When it comes to choosing a college, the decision often comes with a mix of excitement, anxiety, and sometimes even family conflict. This was the case for Gayatri Patil and her daughter, Mikiha Gadagkar, 17, a high-achieving student from Phoenix, Arizona.
While Mikiha dreamed of attending the University of Virginia, over 2,000 miles away, her mother wanted her to stay closer to home at Arizona State University (ASU). Their journey highlights the complex dynamics many families face during the college decision process.
Mikiha’s College Journey: High Achievements and Big Dreams
Mikiha spent her high school years excelling academically, maintaining a 4.0 GPA while actively participating in extracurricular activities like speech, debate, and photography.
Her hard work paid off when she was accepted into five colleges, including ASU and the University of Virginia, two schools located far apart in terms of both geography and opportunities.
While Mikiha was eager for a fresh start at Virginia, where she felt she could pursue her passion for economics and political science, her mother had other plans.
The Tension Between Parent and Child: Who Gets to Decide?
Like many American families, the Gadagkar family faced the tension of who should have the final say in such an important decision. Gayatri Patil, Mikiha’s mother, was firm in wanting her daughter to attend ASU, keeping her close to home.
Patil tried to convince her daughter with emotional arguments, including offering home-cooked meals and promises to handle her laundry, a typical but often intense tactic in many families facing such a decision.
But Mikiha wasn’t easily swayed. She argued that the University of Virginia would offer her a “change of pace,” a new environment, and access to law school opportunities in Washington D.C. She envisioned herself taking the next big step in her academic and personal growth, even if it meant being far from home.
The Role of Parents and Students in College Decision-Making
Matthew Riley, a senior admissions consultant, has heard similar stories from families where the college decision becomes a battleground between parents’ wishes and students’ dreams.
According to Riley, two types of families typically emerge during this phase: those that allow their children to make their own decisions and those that enforce strict control, insisting that their child attends a specific school or pursues a certain career path.
In some cases, parents who have successful careers in fields like technology or medicine pressure their children to follow similar paths, even if it’s not what the child wants.
The tension can lead to emotional stress and even harm a child’s mental well-being. Riley recalls one case where a student was forced to attend a school to study a field he wasn’t passionate about.
This caused him to experience anxiety and depression, underscoring the potential consequences of overriding a child’s autonomy in such a critical decision.
Finding Common Ground: Communication Is Key
Clinical psychologist Traci Lowenthal, who helps families navigate these conversations, emphasizes the importance of open communication.
According to Lowenthal, it’s essential for both parents and students to have honest discussions about their expectations, the affordability of different schools, and what is truly best for the child.
Waiting until after acceptances can be too late, as emotions are high, and families may find themselves in uncomfortable situations when financial realities or other obstacles emerge unexpectedly.
She advises that families start discussing college options as early as a high schooler’s freshman or sophomore year. These early conversations help set realistic expectations and give students time to explore their own options, without feeling pressured or blindsided.
Mikiha and Her Mother: A Gradual Shift in Perspective
For Mikiha, the path to a college decision was filled with discussions, frustrations, and compromises. At first, Gayatri Patil was unsure about the idea of sending her daughter so far away. As an immigrant who studied in India, Patil found the college application process in the U.S. to be overwhelming.
However, after hearing Mikiha’s arguments and considering the guidance from high school counselors, Patil decided to take a step back and allow her daughter to lead the conversation.
In the end, Mikiha decided to attend ASU, partly because of the financial aid she received, which made ASU more affordable than Virginia.
Although Mikiha still wonders what it would have been like to study on the East Coast, she feels content after attending orientation at ASU and is now looking forward to her studies in economics and political science.
A Mother’s Relief and Contentment
For Gayatri Patil, there is a sense of relief and happiness knowing that Mikiha will be only two hours away, close enough for frequent visits but still having the independence of living away from home.
While she might have been open to sending Mikiha to Virginia if it had been affordable, Patil is ultimately satisfied with the decision to have Mikiha stay closer.
Navigating the College Decision Process
The Gadagkar family’s experience serves as a reminder that college decisions are often more than just about choosing a school; they are about balancing family expectations, finances, and personal aspirations.
While it’s important for parents to offer guidance, it’s equally crucial for students to have the opportunity to make their own choices about their future.
As for Mikiha, she feels lucky that her mom respected her decision-making process, and both of them have come to terms with the outcome that works best for their family.
